Tips, Jokes, & Miscellaneous Links

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it as broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?” This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
 
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
 
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
 
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry; sir, but we don't accept pets."
 
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
 
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
 
"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."
 
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, and then he gave some to the dog.
 
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man Who was standing by the tree. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is Heaven," he answered. Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the Road said that was Heaven, too."
 
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope.  That's hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
 
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."

A Dog's Letter to God

Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God,
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
* I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
* I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
* I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
* The sofa is not a face towel.
* The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
* My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
* Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
* I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
* I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
* I will not throw up in the car.
* I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
* The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And God, when I get to Heaven, can I have my testicles back?

Sincerely,
Dog

Check out this New Dog Game Online!  It's called Disc Jogger.

From DOGAGE.com:

DOG DRIVER

WHITEHORSE, Yukon Territory (AP) - An exuberant dog left in a truck while the owner watched Canada win the World Cup of Hockey managed to throw the vehicle into gear and coast down a city hill.

A man out for a walk called police after seeing the vehicle coast by with a black Labrador retriever behind the wheel.

Police arrived to find the truck in the middle of a road, blocking traffic, with the dog still at the wheel. No one was injured and there was no damage.

Going door to door, police managed to track down the owner.

Want to buy your dog a treat and help out a good cause?  Check out Cordog Bleu treats.  Every sale helps single moms move off of Welfare.

Does the noise of your dog's tags bother you?  See The Original Pet Tag Silencer for a neat way to silence "the Jingle".

• www.kennelkozy.com
• www.bowhaus.com  (Expensive but a must-see!)